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a reference example

A reference example (click to zoom in)

What follows is a sample of our revision work, applied to a real business letter.

Before revision

John Smith and son
3, Deanary Mews
Liverpool L1 6BJ

Dear sirs,

Thank you to have reminded us our outstanding account
so kindly.

We did not pay within the date agreed because of many
difficulties we have had owing to a depression in the clothing trade.

Since we are still not able to pay, could you please allow us
to settle the account in instalments?

We apologise and look forward to have your reply.

Best regards,

After revision

Messrs. John Smith & Sons
3, Deanary Mews
Liverpool L1 6BJ

Dear Sirs,

Thank you for reminding us of our outstanding account
in such a pleasant manner.

Our failure to pay within the date agreed upon is due to
a depression in the clothing trade, which has caused us
many difficulties.

As we are not yet in a position to remit the full amount,
could you please allow us to settle the account by instalments.

We apologise and look forward to having a reply.

We remain

Yours faithfully,

Changes are marked in italics.

Please note that changes are both stylistic and syntactic.

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